Serious Literature
by Mouserocks-nerd
Summary: Castle's time spent as a hostage changed him. He's been back for only three months, but already he's wanting to make a big change in his life. *NOTE: Not very angsty, but I did need another category to put down, so it's there. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This idea sprung from two places (please see the author's note at the end for these two places). The two ideas randomly melded in my mind recently and I couldn't resist this one shot. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Never was. Never will be. And it's probably even been done before. Oh well.

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><p>Rick felt his jaw twitch in irritation as he listened to his ex-wife drone on and on- harping about why Nikki Heat needed a good, light-hearted ending instead of one so full of angst. It wasn't light enough, it wasn't happy enough, shouldn't they be getting married, solving cases... he couldn't take it any more. He slammed his palm on the table loudly, making the people across the table from him jump. "Dammit, Gina! I don't- I can't deal with this anymore!"<p>

Gina's mouth hung open in shock and she glanced over to Paula and the surprised intern taking notes carefully in the corner. She stumbled over her words for a little bit before gathering herself. "Wha- uh, Rick?"

Rick closed his eyes tight, frown lines creasing his brow as he thought hard about what he was trying to say. "I just- I can't do it anymore. I've tried... so hard... writing Nikki and Rook their happy ending but I just... the words won't come!"

Gina looked too shocked to be able to say anything more, so Paula stepped up to bat. "So what are you saying, Rick? You're done writing Nikki Heat? You know you're still under contract for at least three more books."

"It's not- ugh." Rick rubbed his eyes in frustration. He couldn't make them understand. The amount of hell he'd been through, struggled with- he had been kidnapped, missing, presumed dead for nearly four months! He hardly thought he had to apologize if his thoughts turned a little dark sometimes. All he wanted was a little bit of peace and a little bit of time. Time to spend with his wife, to relax, to get used to his life again. And also, to do what his therapist asked of him. He'd been reluctant at first to go visit Kate's therapist, but as time went on Castle found himself incredibly grateful for the man. Dr. Burke could really work some miracles sometimes. Of course, that didn't mean he didn't have to put in a lot of work himself. That's one of the reasons he wanted to step away from writing Nikki for a while- he didn't want Paula or Gina to know about his therapy, but it was a lot more time intensive than he'd imagined going in.

Which brought him to his second reason: his writing.

Dr. Burke, knowing Castle's profession and so much more already, suggested that he channel his thoughts and experiences into his writing. At first it had been difficult. Unbearable, even. He could hardly find a reason to put his pen to the paper. But as time went on, and Rick kept trying, he found the words just flowed from him. So much and so fast that he didn't even know what he was writing most of the time. He didn't dare look back even, until one night a few weeks ago. And the words sang like a ballad- painful, beautiful, and tortured. That's when the idea first came to him. It took him another few weeks and some stilted Nikki Heat writing before he finally called Black Pawn for a meeting. And instead they jumped down his throat with all this garbage.

Rick paused before speaking again, this time much more calmly. "I'm not done writing Nikki Heat. There's enough there for me to write Nikki forever. I just... need some time. I need a little break from Nikki. Especially if you want the characters to last long enough for me to write more."

"Okay, fine. Say we give you the time. How much time do you need? What are you supposed to do, Rick? Sit around at home, twiddling your thumbs and squandering your advances? Need I remind you, we can't just let time go on forever without a new Richard Castle mystery."

"Need I remind _you_ that I've only been back from being _kidnapped _for three months!"

That shut Paula right up. Gina picked back up again, placing a hand gently over his. "Rick," she soothed in a calm voice, "We know that. And I know how excruciatingly difficult this must be for you-"

"Gina, I appreciate the sympathy, but you have no idea."

"-But," she cut in again, this time giving him a warning look, "We want what's best for you. For this office, for your family. You need to do your job still."

Rick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know that. I do. But that's why I think I came up with a solution."

He glanced at the two women and saw that he had their rapt attention, and he quickly glanced away. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. He clamped it shut and huffed in frustration. He tried again. "I... I have been writing again. Not Nikki, but... writing."

Gina nodded encouragingly, shooting a warning glance at Paula before she could tear into him. "Okay. So what have you been writing?"

"I... it's not much. It's not very specific either. But it's different. Much more serious. And I- I think I want to try something new."

He shifted uncomfortably as the silence wore on. He'd expected some sort of reaction from one of them- particularly Paula. But so far, they were quiet, thinking. He appreciated that, even if it didn't mean they were going to agree with him. Even if they were just using the time to figure out how to let him down easy.

"Richard," Paula broke the silence, her voice carrying his name on a sigh. "Look. I understand you've had an extremely rough time lately. But this is a big decision. This is your career. Do you really want to put it all on the line, just to get some of that off your chest? I know you've asked us to cut back on your whole bad-boy persona recently, but this is something else entirely."

Castle nodded soberly, expecting all of those reasons to come up. He could feel his shoulders slumping, his mood falling. His eyes dropped to the desk. "I know, I know."

"So what if we did it under a different name instead?"

That pulled Castle out of his temporary slide into depression really quick. He snapped his gaze up to meet his publicist's incredulously. "What?"

"We wouldn't want to jeopardize your career as Master of the Macabre. Richard Castle- he's an icon. You're an icon, Rick. But on top of that, considering you live such a public life, we wouldn't want to put you back at risk with anything that might come out. The emotional trauma alone, I imagine, would be terrifying. I don't want to see you go through any more than you've already had to."

Castle felt his heart warm at the sentiment, and he sent a genuine, grateful smile to his PR rep. "Thanks, Paula."

"So. What do you want to do? Ball's in your court."

Rick thought about it for a moment. He honestly hadn't thought he'd get this far. He fully expected to be thrown out of there, never to return to Black Pawn Publishing again and subsequently spiral into a deep, draining depression. Boy, was he glad to be wrong.

"I could write under a different name, maybe. If it does well, I could come out and say I, Richard Castle, wrote it."

"What would you write under?" Gina asked, curious.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet," Paula cut in again. "We'll worry about that when the time comes for it, and I could come up with a plan to make this work. It doesn't all need to be decided tonight. Rick, go home, get some rest, get some writing done. But you're still going to have to have a deadline to meet."

Castle nodded eagerly. "How about two weeks? I can get you enough together by then for you to have a feel of it."

"Two weeks sounds perfect. I'll pencil it in and give you a call."

Rick stood up to leave, saying his goodbyes and thank-yous before coming to a realization. Something clicked in his brain. "Oh, and Gina? I have an answer for your question."

Gina's brow furrowed in slight confusion. "O-kay. Shoot."

He took a deep breath. It was perfect- it sent the right message, with just a hint of power, of threat behind it. Even though it would likely be republished under his current name, he found it incredibly appealing.

"The name. For this new book? I think I'd like to go by Alexander Hunt."

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><p><strong>AN:** Inspired by the cliffhanger of the season six finale, and Doyle's line in 6x05 about Castle writing serious literature in the future. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ** So. It was suggested that I consider extending this a bit, and lo and behold, here I am. It's just gonna be another chapter or two, but I've adjusted the summary until it's done. I like exploring the idea that Simon Doyle (the time traveler) was right all along. So naturally when this occurred to me, I figured I'd try and make it work. Please let me know what you think, and if there's anything else that should be included. :)

Shout out to **petuniatc** for giving me some ideas for continuing this!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Castle nor any of the characters, plots or spin offs. Otherwise I'd be rolling in it right now.

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><p>The clattering sound of the typing echoed throughout the loft when Kate walked through the front door. It made her smile. It had been four months since Rick had been found, and in that period of time, he'd become very brooding and dark, unwilling to share. She knew the therapy was helping- as was she, Castle always reminded her insistently. She didn't know all of what the therapy entailed, though Rick had started to open up more and more to her about his sessions with Dr. Burke. In all honesty, she was surprised he even took Castle on as a patient- with conflicting interests regarding her own therapy and all that. But she supposed it did better with Castle having a familiar face to rely on, someone he could trust.<p>

He had a lot of trust issues now. As if he hadn't had plenty before. Two divorces and a non-existent father would do that to a person. But throw a kidnapping or two on top of that, plus all that he was exposed to in the precinct just following her around for six years- it had to be drowning him.

That's why it made her so happy to hear that he was writing again. She knew that Dr. Burke had been the one to encourage him to put pen to paper once more, and it had been very slow and painful at first. She knew he'd been keeping a journal of sorts, though she wasn't all that sure how often he actually updated it. But regardless of what or how often he wrote, it just made her happy to know he was in fact writing again. Writing drove him, inspired him. It was one of the things she knew he loved doing and possibly one of the few things he allowed himself to get slightly manic about, besides his family. He was a _writer_, through everything.

The fact that he was getting back into it had to mean he was making progress.

Kate toed off her heels and bent over to pick them up gracefully. She walked barefoot toward his office, carrying her pumps in one hand and wearing a smile on her face. She leaned against the door frame as she looked in on him- lost to the rest of the world, completely absorbed into the one of his creation. It was beautiful in it's own way. Castle's fingers flew over the keys like a thing possessed. His eyes focused entirely on the screen before him. He didn't even register she'd come home.

Part of her didn't want to disturb him, or interrupt his flow. She knew how important his writing was to him, as much as solving murders was to her. Granted, he probably wouldn't mind, but she couldn't do that to him yet. So she simply walked past him, as he stared obliviously at his computer and his fingers worked their magic.

Kate got changed into her most comfortable yoga pants and a loose t-shirt of his that she knew he loved on her. Green Lantern was his favorite superhero, after all, only following Kate Beckett herself. She rolled her eyes as the comment rolled through her head, mostly in Castle's voice.

She missed his voice. He hadn't really come into the precinct all that often since his... incident. Every now and again he would, just to drop by lunch or coffee or hang with her and the boys. But it wasn't the same. Because when it came down to it, Kate left the loft alone and drank her coffee alone and looked at bodies alone and she was getting tired of it. She missed him just being there, his voice in the background, spouting off insane theories and bugging the boys or Gates and even just his presence not being in that chair was frustrating. Even if said presence was only sitting slouched over his phone playing Flappy Bird.

She had the sudden urge to touch him, talk to him, so Kate made her way back out to the office and walked behind his chair. She threw her arms around his shoulders and kissed his temple. Or rather, tried to.

Castle jumped out of his skin and maneuvered away from her touch, quickly slamming the laptop lid in response.

"Rick?"

When he finally made eye contact, his shoulders slouched and his face dropped, drained of all tension. His eyes drifted closed briefly, and when they opened again the stormy quality that they had acquired was all but gone, and clear blue eyes met her warm, hazel ones. "God, Kate. You scared me half to death."

"I'll say. You scared me scaring you!"

Rick chuckled in a not so usual tone. He seemed nervous, and his eyes kept darting back to the closed laptop. "Yeah, well, sorry. I didn't know you were home yet."

"I just got back about ten minutes ago."

He nodded vigorously, still trying to reconcile the fact that she was standing before him with his racing heart.

"Rick? You okay?"

He nodded again, but stopped himself mid-action. He sighed, scrubbed a hand over his face. "No," he admitted, and Kate felt her breath catch at the admission. She sat down on the corner of his desk as she processed his statement. So, he was doing this. He was finally going to talk to her about something real.

He was rarely so open with her anymore. He didn't want to give her a cause to worry- at least, she assumed that was his reasoning. Yet another thing on the list of things he didn't talk about. All he ever really mentioned was how happy he was to be back and how much he loved her. Kate swallowed hard. "What's wrong?"

Rick cast her a scathing glance and her shoulders slumped. "Well, I know _that_, but what else?"

He sighed before opening up. "I... I've been writing again."

A smile blossomed onto Kate's face. "I know. Rick, I think that's wonderful. I've missed the sound of you writing."

Left unspoken were the myriads of emotions and implications that went with her statement. Kate locked down her emotions once more, struggling to keep the bile out of her mouth every time she thought about it.

He was gone for _four months._

"Yeah, well... It's not exactly... the same."

His words brought Kate back out of her own mind and to the present. Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? What's not the same?"

Rick's blue eyes clouded over once more, shrouded with a guilt of some kind. He fidgeted nervously with a pen lying on the side of his desk. "My writing. It's not the same. It's gotten harder, and somehow, become more..." he hesitated, glancing at her face once more, seeking approval. Kate felt her heart break for him a little more in that moment. That he had such mistrust of everyone, and yet was still desperate for her approval, wanting to reach out to her in spite of his fear that she'd just shoot him down... gone four months and back four more, and still Kate found herself putting the pieces back together. She prompted him to continue with a nudge of her foot against his thigh, not wanting to interrupt his flow.

After a brief hesitation more, Rick decided to spit it out. "I can't- Nikki's not coming to me."

His words hung in the air heavily, weighing down around them. Kate blinked rapidly at him, trying to process and yet not discourage his new-found openness. Even if it cut at her heart a little bit. "Okay."

He gaped at her incredulously. "Okay? Okay? Beckett, how can you say that's okay?"

Kate smiled down at him. "Rick, it's okay if you are blocked writing Nikki."

"How can you say that? Nikki Heat is the reason behind us, the glue that kept us sticking together. She's the reason I followed you around at work for so long, and how I twisted Gates' arm to let me stay-"

"Rick," she put a gentle hand on his shoulder and waited until his wide, panicked blue eyes finally turned back to meet hers. She waited for him to take a few deep breaths before speaking, trying to collect herself. "We will always have Nikki to thank for that. But our relationship has grown, thrived, beyond just a series of books, Castle. We wouldn't be here at all if we were just living off the mythology of your books. We're here because we put in the work- because you invented a character to write about in order to hang around me more, because you never quit coming back, because you made me see you like no one else ever has and made me fall in love with you a hundred different ways."

Castle's eyes flitted down bashfully before looking back up to his almost-wife lovingly. "I know."

"And it wasn't easy for me. I had to put up with you every day, live with your antics and try not to seem to amused or eager to see you."

That got a laugh, and even though it was a small one, Kate felt it was progress. Her nose crinkled with her smile, but she suddenly became more dreamy. "Seriously though, Rick. If you thought I would be upset or hate you or something just because you aren't writing Nikki Heat yet, you're wrong. You can't get rid of me that easy. We're getting married, remember?"

His expression met her own as he gazed up at her with glassy eyes and a lovestruck grin. "Yeah. We are."

They stared into each other's eyes for an inordinate amount of time before Kate blinked and suddenly realized how ridiculous they must look. She tucked an errant curl back behind her ear self-consciously before asking her next question. "So. If you're not writing Nikki Heat," she took on a teasing tone to keep him from feeling too sensitive about it, "Then what have you been writing so frantically?"

Castle turned in on himself a little bit, shoulders slouching over and pouting at his closed laptop. "Well, uh, that's sort of something else I wanted to talk to you about."

Curiosity piqued, Kate cocked her head at him and did her best quizzical look. He bit back his grin- she knew he thought that was adorable- but it still wasn't enough to keep the nervousness from floating back up to the surface again. "When I met with Black Pawn, almost two weeks ago, Gina and Paula told me what I'd turned in for Nikki Heat was too dark. So I asked about maybe taking a break from Nikki for a while. Not quitting altogether," he quickly assured her, meeting her eyes with an almost manic need to convince her of this truth. "But definitely taking a break. I also asked if they'd be willing to consider letting me publish some more... serious literature."

Her heart skipped a beat. Serious literature? She never applied the word "serious" to Richard Castle's name... except in recent months. Oh. So that's what it was going to be about.

"Look, I know I haven't really been willing to talk about it yet, but writing I'm good at. It's what I turn to, in good times and bad. It's my outlet. Dr. Burke helped me to realize that, largely. And he's encouraged me to write about some of my thoughts or experiences in the past few months. And," his eyes held her gaze intensely for at least ten seconds, "it's helped Kate."

Kate felt her heart racing, blood pumping and echoing through her ears. So this was it. She was going to find out more, finally, about what had happened. She knew the basics, sure, even some of the most horrifying, mind-boggling details. But he didn't talk much about how it felt, how he got through it mentally.

"I'm going to adapt it into a book, if I can."

His words tore her from her thoughts once more. Kate gaped at him. "Castle, are you sure? I mean, what if there's still someone out there and he reads that and-"

"First of all, I'd publish it as a work of fiction, even though much of it is going to be very true. Secondly, I convinced Gina and Paula to let me publish under a different name. So that Richard Castle isn't anywhere close to this thing."

Kate clicked her tongue and flipped a piece of hair back behind her shoulder, but gestured for him to go on.

"And finally, I want you to be my first reader."

Beckett was floored at that, not expecting it in the least. "What?" she croaked.

Rick nodded eagerly, eyes sparkling. "Yeah. I, uh, I'm supposed to send in as much of a sample as I can to Paula and Gina tomorrow. But I want you to read it before anyone else. I _need _you to know what happened, even before any edits."

Kate felt her pulse racing. "I don't know, Rick. Are you sure... you're ready for this?"

He looked her square in the eye. "Are you?"

Kate shifted uncomfortably on the desk. Ultimately, curiosity and the desire to commiserate with him lead her to nod her head and toss him a quick smile. "Yeah. I think I am. I think I have to be, but I want to anyways."

It was Rick's turn to get nervous now. "Well, uh, I'm gonna go out and get some food then. Pick up from somewhere. And you can, uh, get started reading."

She grabbed his wrist gently before he could turn and go. "Rick," she spoke softly, words barely audible. "Thank you for this."

And then there was a lump in his throat and his eyes got blurry, so he pressed a kiss to her cheek and fled the loft.

When he got back an hour or so later, she ran and embraced him in the second-tightest hug he'd ever received from Katherine Beckett, with apologies and love-you's and tears muffled into his shoulder.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Wow! This little ficlet has gotten a lot of views. I'm flattered! Please let me know if any other ideas come to you about this, any other scenarios that you'd like to see. I'll keep writing if you keep reading. Also, I AM planning on getting back to my other Castle story, "Live Fast Die Young", I just am getting back into the swing of things, with writing and with life. If you've got ideas about that too, feel free to shoot them my way. :P Enjoy! (More is still coming, by the way.)

**Disclaimed.**

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><p>The sound of the Imperial March echoed throughout the room and woke Rick up with a jolt. Kate groaned at the sound beside him and burrowed further under the covers. He quickly moved to silence the device only to realize he'd hung up on his publisher. He rolled out of bed on a moan and grabbed his phone, pulling on his robe one arm at a time and tying it off loosely. He scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to wake himself back up enough to return his ex-wife's phone call.<p>

He closed the bedroom door quietly behind him as the phone rang. He plopped down onto his couch, blinking into the darkness and staring in a daze as his mind struggled against sleep's foggy grasp.

"Rick?"

Her voice was sharp and alert, shaking him from his near drift into slumber. He sat upright and cleared his throat. "Hey. Hey, uh, Gina. Wha's goin' on?"

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

He scoffed. "_No_, Gina. You didn't. I'm always up at," he pulled the phone away from his ear to glance at the time, "Three-seventeen in the morning."

"Ha-ha, Ricky. You're a funny guy. I forget sometimes that you're a sparkling conversationalist in the mornings."

He groaned and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "What do you _want,_ Gina?"

There was a long pause- so long that it almost had Castle drifting off again- before Gina spoke up, this time in a much gentler tone. "I wanted to let you know what was going on as soon as I knew, so I figured I'd call right away before anything else got in the way."

Rick felt his stomach churn nervously, as it always did when someone had something "important" to tell him. He'd chalk it up to his kidnapping now seven months past, but to be perfectly honest he'd never been one for unwelcome surprises. Except for presents. And pranks.

"Rick, your book got the go ahead."

His heart started pounding, the sound of blood drumming in his ears and he could hardly believe it. Did she really just say what he thought she said?

"Did you hear me, Richard?"

"Yeah," his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "Yeah, I heard you."

"You're getting published. Again. I spoke with Adam- Mr. Seaver's assistant on the top floor? He said that Seaver read your book in an afternoon, and could hardly stop raving about it after."

"He didn't know it was me, right? Couldn't tell from my writing or anything?"

"No offense, Richard, but I don't think Mr. Seaver reads that many murder mysteries." He knew she was kidding- he was their golden goose, as he'd so often described himself. Mr. Seaver read at least some of his works. But it still was an annoying enough comment that it got under his skin. "But no, Rick. He did not know it was you. As far as he knows, I read something from an Alexander Hunt, I liked it, asked for more, and suddenly it ended up on his desk. Though I still think he's going to have to be brought in the loop on this one."

"Maybe. But not yet. Let's get as much as we can done before anybody else finds out about the book. Just as a precaution."

She sighed audibly across the phone line, and Castle rolled his eyes. "All right, fine. I still think you're making a mistake with that, but I understand your worries."

He nodded for a while before realizing she couldn't see him. "Thank you."

"Before you go," Gina's voice was suddenly hesitant, and that captured his attention even more. "I just wanted to say that... I'm glad you're okay. I know we aren't what we were to each other anymore, but you still meant something to me. Reading and editing this... God, Rick. I don't know how you survived. How Kate survived without you, even. It's agonizing what you went through."

Castle felt the lump return to his throat and tears blur his eyes. He didn't like to think about it a whole lot, but it was an unavoidable truth. "Yeah, well... It's mostly fiction anyway."

"Richard Castle, you know as well as I do that's not the truth. I've spent the last three months watching you bleed through these pages. It's nothing to sneeze at."

He started to shift uncomfortably in his spot on the leather couch. "Well, thanks. I guess. I really do appreciate you sticking with me through this process. You could have pawned me off on somebody else if it got too complicated. I understand that it's a bit of a difficult read, knowing how close to the truth it is. Kate's told me so."

"Rick, you're my client first. Always have been. I wasn't about to dump you over this."

Castle smiled, watching his new wife open a crack in the door and peek out at him. "Thanks for everything, Gina. I really need to get some sleep now, though. Can you just email me the details in the morning?"

"Sure thing. Good night, Richard."

He murmured his goodbyes and hung up the phone, staring Kate in the eyes as it slowly sunk in for him.

His book was being published.

A wave of both pain and ecstasy washed over him at the thought, both excited by the prospect and nervous of what he'd done. What if people figured it out? What if the man in black came back for him, and his father was no longer there to help him? Tyson might be gone for good now, but that didn't mean anything. One step forward, two steps back. Add another enemy to the list as you take one down.

But then he caught sight of his lovely wife of three weeks staring at him curiously from their bedroom, and a smile lit up his face. It would all be okay, no matter what, because it would have to be. Because they were together now, because they had each other. Kate padded softly across the room to plop down ungracefully beside him on the couch. "So what was that all about?"

Castle rolled his eyes as he said the name, even though he bore her no ill-will. The action was simply ingrained in him now. "Gina. Good news. Alexander Hunt is going to be a published author."

Kate's eyes shone with happiness. "Castle, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!"

"She could have waited to call till morning, but yeah, I'm happy too."

Kate's fingers brushed back the mop of hair that fell over his eyes gently and it soothed him, his eyes drifting shut at the relaxing motion. "I'm so proud of you, babe. You've been through hell, but look what it's got you."

"Yeah. I just hope it was worth it, and this isn't the stupidest decision of my life."

"Rick, we've talked about this. You need this. The world needs this. And if you decide to come out with the truth one day, when you're ready, then we'll take it in stride then. Right now, we're just going to enjoy this moment of freedom you've bought us, and handle the rest as it comes. Okay?"

He opened his eyes and stared at her with all the warmth he could muster. "Thank you, Mrs. Castle."

Her eyes lit up again at that. If there was one thing he'd learned in the last few weeks, it's that she _loves_ her new title. "You're welcome, Mr. Castle."

With that, they practically raced back into bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thanks again to **petuniatc **for giving me loads more of suggestions to run with! You're gonna see several more chapters because of this dude. Again, let me know of anything you'd like to see included and I'll try and write it in. This one's short, but there's more to come. :) Enjoy!

**Disclaimed.**

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><p>"Yo, Castle! Good to see you man!"<p>

General murmurs of assent rose up around the precinct as Castle strolled back through the bullpen, two coffees in hand. He kept a guarded smile on his face, setting down the second cup on Beckett's empty desk before turning to smile at Esposito and give the man a fist bump. "Good to see you too, Esposito. How's life been treating you at the precinct?"

"I'm sorry, did you say 'life' or 'wife'?" He joked teasingly. "Because your wife has been making my life here pretty-"

"What was that, Espo?"

Castle laughed as the man's eyes went wide and his boss rounded him from behind. "Uh, pretty great. Pretty damn great. Hey, Beckett, I didn't see you there," he finished lamely, trying to cover up his faux pas.

"Sounds like he was fishing for paperwork," Castle chimes in, a boyish grin crossing his features.

Esposito looked at Castle with a wounded expression, though he knew it was for show. "Bro. Feelings."

Castle shrugged and jerked his thumb over at Kate, who was already back in the zone at the murder board. "Sorry, pal. I've got my own allegiances now."

"What about your allegiances to us? We're your bros." The pout on his face earned him an eyeroll from Beckett.

Rick's lips twitched with mischief. "Look, I love you guys like brothers. But at the end of the day, Kate gives me things that you can't possibly- ow, ow, Apples! Apples!"

Javier looks an appropriate mix of disgusted and amused as Kate dragged him away by the earlobe.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't resist!"

"Well, maybe control yourself a little bit better," Kate retorted. He gave her big puppy dog eyes and, hell, who was she kidding. She'd never be able to stay mad at that face. Curse him and those big blue eyes. How would she survive if they had any kids?

She quickly shoved that thought back into its appropriate box at the back of her mind, a conversation she'd save for a later time. Instead, she simply sighed and sank down into her desk chair. Castle sank down besides her, and she could feel the tension starting to take hold of his large form. He shifted uneasily in his seat, an uncomfortable, huddled mass of racing thoughts and paranoia. Kate swept her gaze around the room, noting that no one was close enough or paying enough attention to interrupt. "You okay, Castle?"

He jerks his head once, not subtly. "Fine."

"Castle," she chides, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye as she continues to do her paperwork. He's twiddling his thumbs nervously, and Kate can barely handle it when he is melting down in front of her. His trying to put on a brave front, at least for the boys, is breaking something crucial inside her. Then she remembered.

"Is this precinct worry, or book worry?"

He turned his frightened blue eyes back on her and yep, she'd thought it was maybe the stress of starting to hang around the precinct more often lately.

She'd been wrong. It was about the book.

"You sure you want to be here, today?"

He nodded slightly, his brain still unfocused. "Dr. Burke said it'd be better to spend time in all my familiar places, readjusting my thinking with each according to my 'new mindset,'" he air quoted around the term and Kate couldn't help the tug at the corner of her mouth. "At least until things start feeling safe again."

Kate nodded, sobered up again. Knowing how much pain he was in did that to her. But she understood. God, did she understand. "But you don't have to be here every day, Castle. You know that, right?"

He gave her a one-shoulder shrug. "I know. I guess today was more about run-from-responsibilities day than it was about anything else."

Kate smiled sadly at him. She knew that.

Today was the day his book- Alexander Hunt's book, that is- was being released.

They had already done a pre-launch of sorts last week, and all of the reviewers had given it so much critical acclaim. He had nothing to worry about. It was just the public release. But Kate knew better than anyone that he would need the distraction today- and it either boiled down to hanging out with her at her work, which he had only done a handful of times since the incident, or it involved huddling under a massive blanket fort with several fifths of scotch.

She supposed this was the healthier option.

Kate took a swig of her coffee before settling down back into her paperwork. She got a few moments of peace and quiet before-

"So no bodies?"

She sighed heavily, rolling her eyes as she swiveled her head around to look at her husband. He raised his hands in surrender at the Beckett glare. "Hey. No worries. Just curious."

"Babe, go play with Ryan and Espo. If they're not getting any paperwork done anyway, I might as well be able to do mine in peace."

Rick smirked at her but did as she asked. He stood up slowly, pointedly, from his seat and wandered casually over to Ryan and Esposito's desks, as if he'd had the idea all of his own. "So what are you slackers up to?"

Ryan scoffed at him. "Yeah, whatever man. Don't you have a book to take care of?"

All the color left his face and Rick felt his smile drop immediately. "Book? What book?"

Ryan's eyebrows went up in curiosity. "Uh, the one you've been ditching us to write? Geez, man, you look like you saw a ghost. Publisher really been getting on you that much?"

Castle cleared his throat. "Uh... yeah. Yeah. Just don't really wanna talk about it."

Ryan squinted at him, evaluating his words, but let it drop for now. They all went back to their paperwork, Castle toying with his phone quietly- which was unlikely in itself. In all honesty though, Castle had been by so few times since his kidnapping that they didn't mind much what he did, so long he was at the precinct doing it. It felt like somebody broke him.

Roughly a half hour later, Castle slammed his phone down on the side of Ryan's desk with a heavy sigh and plastered a smile on his face. "I'm gonna get a coffee from the break room. Either of you want anything?"

Ryan shook his head, while Esposito asked for a coffee. Castle shuffled off quietly and left them to do their paperwork.

It was only a buzz from Castle's cell that took Ryan's attention away. Knowing he shouldn't look, but unable to resist the lit up screen a few inches away, Kevin craned his neck and read some of the words scrolling across the top of the screen. He frowned. "Hey, Javi?"

"Hmm?"

"Castle just got a text from Gina, taunting about some other guy's book sales."

Esposito's head popped up around his computer screen. "Seriously? That's cold-"

"What's cold?" Castle asked, returning with Esposito's coffee and setting it on the corner of the man's death.

Kevin and Javi shared a glance before Kevin brought it up. "Your ex-wife. Who's Alexander Hunt anyway?"

If Ryan thought he'd gone pale before, then this time all the blood had drained from his face. "What?"

"The guy your ex keeps taunting you about with his book sales? Is everything going okay at work?"

Rick shifted on his feet. "Oh. She sometimes does that. You know, motivation and all. Gives me an idea about the competition and whatnot. I better give Beckett her coffee." He scooped up his phone and hurried back to Beckett's desk, taking his usual seat back.

Ryan frowned at Esposito. "What was that all about?"

"Sounds to me more like Black Pawn or Gina the ice queen is trying to dump him and get with this new guy."

Ryan hummed noncommittally, watching Castle carefully before returning to his work. "Well, whoever this Hunt guy is, I'm gonna find out what's going on with him."

* * *

><p>"Beckett," Ryan called out to her about five minutes after her husband left.<p>

"What's up, Ryan?"

He hovered cautiously over the space of her desk, waiting for her to finally make eye contact before pressing his point. "Is Castle doing okay?"

The words hit her hard, but Kate smiled anyway. "Yeah. Yeah, I think he's finally starting to do better, Kev. Why?"

"He seems," his gaze shifted around, searching for the right words. "Agitated. Uneasy. Are you sure there's nothing else going on with him?"

Kate bristled at that and replied with a low voice. "The man's recovering from being kidnapped and held hostage for four months- tortured by not only a serial killer that's dogged us for years, but by some lovely "friends" of his father's who paid him. You think there's something else going on with him."

The pained and sympathetic look on Ryan's face made her regret snapping at him, and her shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I didn't mean to be so harsh. I just... It's been tough."

He nodded. "Hey, no, I get it. I just saw a text on his phone accidentally, seems his publisher has been harassing him for his next book or something. Taunting him talking about some other guy's books. I was just concerned, that's all."

"I know you were. I appreciate it. And don't worry so much about Gina. Everyone's just trying to get him through this time right now."

Ryan shifted on his feet, unsure of where to take this conversation from here. Beckett's phone rang and he took it as a godsend. "Well, I'll leave you to it then." He stumbled off towards his desk as she answered the phone.

Not ten seconds after hanging up the phone, Beckett called out again. "Hey Ryan?"

He turned around and met her gaze curiously.

"Don't go too far; body just dropped."

And just like that, they were back in their routine again.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** OMG! Monday night's episode... Am I the only one who has some doubts? Either something crazy happened where his Dad was involved (best guess this is what they'll go with) or something more sinister is up. But once again they've left us with more questions than answers... Anyways. Sorry this took so long to get back to- been a long week. This is more with the boys. And if it wasn't obvious enough, this story is AU from 6x23. :) Hope you guys are enjoying! Also, sorry if this chapter feels a bit anticlimactic. I wasn't 100% on how to end it.

**Disclaimer:** I've been writing "Disclaimed" instead of a full disclaimer. From henceforth, please know that this term means the following: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. :) Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Something heavy and hard slapped onto Javier Esposito's desk, jolting his attention away from the computer screen. He frowned and looked up at his partner who put it there. "A book?"<p>

Something in Kevin's eyes made him reconsider his words. He looked almost _pained._

"Read it."

"What, now? I don't think Gates would appreciate me taking time away from running our vic's financials to read a book on a whim."

Ryan sighed in exasperation, and leaned over to physically point at the cover. "You see that? What's it say?"

Esposito rolled his eyes and indulged his partner for a moment. "Rising from the Ashes, Alexander Hunt." He frowned and took the book from Ryan to get a closer look. "Why do I know that name?"

"Hmm. I dunno. Maybe we read it somewhere, like off Castle's phone two weeks ago?"

His eyes snapped up to his partner's, eyebrows raised. He glanced over quickly to Beckett's desk, seeing she wasn't in yet, and spoke in low tones. "Dude, what are you doing? You went out and bought a book from his competition? That's cold."

Ryan gave him a look. "That's not what this is about." He flipped a few pages in to where the dedication rested, pointing enthusiastically at the words. "Look."

Javier sighed and looked down to read.

_To my family and friends-_

_You may only know pieces of my tale now, but I promise you_

_The whole story is coming_

_Because if there's one thing I've learned from all this,_

_It's that truth conquers all_

_And at the very least, I feel like it's my duty to speak for the dead._

_Vincit Omnia Veritas._

Esposito swallowed thickly as the words resonated through his mind. A deep pit started to form in his stomach. "Ryan," he rasped, voice a bit hoarse. "You don't think..."

"Vincit Omnia Veritas?"

"That could mean anything. It's just some Latin- it's fairly common."

"How many people do you know that would feel obligated to speak for the dead?"

His shoulders slumped. The evidence was pretty damn concrete. "Not many." Damn. If what his partner was saying was true, then that was almost as scary as the alternative. Esposito brought a hand up to the bridge of his nose and pinched, trying to relieve the headache forming there. "If Castle really wrote this... Man, why wouldn't he tell us?"

"I hate to break it to you, Javi, but I think this is his way of telling us. About everything."

There was a long pause between them, tension surrounding the book and crackling through the air.

"Did you read it?" Esposito finally brought his gaze back up to see his partner's face. Kevin shook his head, pain ripping through his powder blue eyes.

"No. I picked it up out of curiosity- Jenny bought it, some book club thing. I started reading, and it felt strangely familiar. The voice, the writing style... I got about three chapters in before realizing what it was. I couldn't keep going after that. Not when I could see _him_ in my brain, experiencing all that."

"What tipped you off?"

"Besides the name and dedication and everything else?" Espo nodded and Kevin scoffed softly. "He brought in a character named Tyler Jenson. Serial Killer. The main character noted how this was way outside his usual pattern- of three strangled girls in a row."

"Shit," Espo swore softly, his heart sinking. This could not be true. So much of what had happened to Castle had been kept under wraps. Most of it was due to governmental and security reasons. But a significant portion of it had been due to Castle himself. He hadn't wanted to talk about it at all. Which Javier had understood, probably more than most. You didn't just come out of Special Forces unscathed. The most he'd really ever opened up to anyone about his experiences- besides his therapist- was Beckett. He'd told her a little- her first few brushes with PTSD had brought out the big brother in him and he'd caved to help her. But in spite of years of friendship with Ryan, he didn't want him to know the truth. It would be too difficult for him to handle. The little he knew had been coerced out of him, or acquired in roundabout ways.

As he looked at his friend again, he knew he'd be the one to take the hit for this too.

"You want me to read it."

Ryan didn't miss that Esposito had stated it instead of asked. A pang stabbed at his heart, knowing what he was asking of his best friend and partner. Maybe one day something would change, he'd be able to handle reading it. Likely when Castle got more comfortable with sharing, and things started to come out anyway. But not today. Not when he had to work with the man's wife day in and day out, and go home and take care of Jenny and Sarah Grace. Not when he was still recovering from the event itself.

But one of them had to read it, do the research. And so, in spite of how sick it made Kevin to even ask his brother this, he simply swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

* * *

><p><em>The dryness of my mouth and the pounding in my head was steadily becoming a regular sensation. It wasn't so bad, considering what had come before, and what I knew was to come again after.<em>

Esposito swore, covering his eyes with his hand. Kevin hadn't said anything about it being first person. He took a swig of his beer before braving onward once more.

_The drugs weren't so bad. I knew essentially what they were like from previous experience. This was clearly some next level stuff, whatever concoction was forcibly injected into my body, thrumming through my veins. _

_The symptoms were worse. I could barely hold my head up, let alone struggle against my handcuffs. Sometimes, I thought I might have been hallucinating. But I'm not positive on that front- it could easily have been true things playing out in front of me, just fogged in the mist of my mind. _

_No, the drugs weren't half bad at all. It was the withdrawals- now that was a bitch. _

Javier felt himself jolted by those words. He'd known to some extent that Castle had been drugged. Had to have been at some point. He was a big man; for him to have been transported halfway across the world wasn't an easy feat. Particularly if he'd struggled. But withdrawals? That was intentional, beyond just the requisite initial drugging.

That was torture.

The book read easily, if not painfully. The agony dripped from his words, staining every page with memories of suffering. Javier winced as he read on, chapter after chapter, eyes flying across the pages as passages struck him across the face.

_They'd come in every now and again, give me some water, some food to eat. Almost immediately after came the lashes..._

_... It's a terrible thing when the only familiar face is that of a serial killer who'd tried to kill you three times before..._

_... My imagination got the best of me as I looked on his scars, picturing how any of this could somehow relate back to me..._

Each page a testament of what Richard Castle had really gone through.

_"WHO ARE YOU?" the scream rattled my hoarse throat..._

_... The flesh around my wrists was bruised, bloodied, cut where the cuffs were once again digging in. Reopening the scars that only seem to have just healed..._

_... The sharp clap of the gun being fired echoed throughout the room, for the first time in god knows how many days giving me an idea of the space I was being kept in. That's what my first thought was- not fearful for my own life, not concerned about the body of the serial killer slumped on the ground, but whether I could tell just by sound in the room if I had space to make an escape..._

Sometimes it was hard to remember that Castle was the speaker here. Javi repeatedly had to take breaks, get himself another beer, rest his mind for a few brief moments, collect himself. But for the most part, the book captured his attention entirely.

_My arm twisted at a strange angle. I knew without a doubt they had broken it..._

_... "They'll never find you," his voice hissed in my ear, "At most, they'll find a piece or two..."_

_... "Your father can't help you this time. He's gonna have to make a choice: his son, or his country. And if there's anything you know about him, it's that he's always chosen his country over you..." _

At that Esposito frowned. He was under the impression that Castle never knew his father. Maybe there was something he was missing. He frowned and glanced at his clock, swearing when he realized the time. It was four am, and he had to be at work by eight. He glanced between the book and the clock, debating. He was only going to get a few hours of sleep at this point anyway. Having settled it with his conscience, Javier got himself a stronger drink and read on.

And on.

And on.

And then it just _ended._

Javier frowned, flipping through the last few pages to see if he'd missed something, anything at all. But no. He went from being transferred, to being beaten (again), and then blacked out. His last thing seen being a beautiful, statuesque woman coming towards him from the distance.

That wasn't good enough.

The glass slipped from his hand, jolting Esposito out of his reveries and making him hyper alert to his surroundings. He scanned for any disturbances, any strange items or noises out of habit and shivered when he realized he couldn't find one. He was just being paranoid.

He glanced at the page once more and came to a decision. He slammed the book shut, grabbed his phone and wallet and headed out of his apartment to hail a cab.

Because it wasn't _enough. _

* * *

><p>Esposito found himself knocking on the door to Castle's loft at five thirty in the morning, swaying slightly on his feet and triple checking his surroundings for intruders or anyone with otherwise nefarious purposes.<p>

"Cassstle," he slurred slightly, grimacing. He didn't think he'd drank _that _much. He cleared his throat, shook his head, and knocked again. "Castle, I know you're in there, bro."

The door swung open before him, revealing a very rumpled and cross looking Katherine Beckett. "Uh.. Beckett. What are you... I mean, sorry to wake you. I just-"

"What the hell are you doing here, Espo? You should have called if we have a body."

"Body? What body? Where's Castle?"

Kate evaluated him carefully as he tried to peer into the loft around her shoulder. She noticed how loose his movements were, how slow his tongue was, the fact that he was wearing yesterday's wrinkled clothes and smelled faintly of alcohol. She decided it would be best to let him in. "Why don't you come in and I'll go get him for you, all right?" She guided him discreetly toward the couch, trying to keep him from complaining too loudly and waking up the entire house.

Kate padded off to the bedroom to collect her husband, who was still passed out, blissfully unaware of the chaos going on outside. She sighed. She hated to wake him when he was like this. He was rarely so peaceful, though his sleep had been getting better as of late. Fewer nightmares, more full nights. Still, she needed his help to put back her broken partner in the living room, so she did what she had to. "Castle," she whispered softly in his ear. He stirred and groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes. "Ri-ick. Come on. I need you."

He moved his arm slightly at that, managing a somewhat suggestive look at her phrasing, and she couldn't help but laugh. Because it was five in the morning and her husband was most definitely not a morning person and yet he was still coherent enough to think about _that_ and if that didn't get a smile out of her, then nothing ever would. "Not like that, Rick. Esposito's here."

A frown creased his brow in confusion. She could watch the wheels in his brain slowly churn to life as he processed the thought. "Who? 'Sito?"

"Yeah, babe. I think he's drunk. He's looking for you."

He groaned heavily and flipped over in the bed so that he didn't have to face his wife and the impending day. She tittered a bit, amused by his adorable stubbornness for a few solid moments before yanking the sheets from him. Rick squealed with the abrupt cold that hit his body, curling in on himself before quickly stumbling from the bed. "Kay, I'm up. I'm up. Go entertain. I'll be out in a sec."

"You'd better be. Or I'm gonna send Esposito in here and he'll get quite an eyeful."

"_Kate!_"

She merely laughed, turning to leave the room and go back to her friend.

She found him slumped over on the couch, dozing lightly. Oh, Castle would be so mad if he found out she woke him up for this. Kate decided to make some coffee before doing anything else, as that was the most crucial aspect of every day. None of them would be happy campers without it, and it seemed like Espo would need a hell of a lot of caffeine before doing anything with his day.

Castle eventually staggered out of their room like a zombie and made his way instinctively towards the scent of the coffee, ignoring or completely missing the man on their couch. Kate simply watched him, amused, as his face started to change. She watched the coffee take hold, slowly get the cogs of his brain moving again, until finally he noticed the detective snoring lightly on the couch. He frowned. "Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"What's Esposito doing here?"

She pushed down her snicker and forced herself to clarify. "I'm not sure. He came here looking for you, but he was pretty unsteady. Seems like he's had a rough night."

Castle's frown only deepened, confused as to what the man would want with him, when suddenly Esposito jolted awake. He looked around in a disoriented manner, only realizing where he was when he laid eyes on Castle and Beckett, sipping their coffees in the kitchen. "You," he growled, brows furrowing deep over his eyes. He jumped to his feet unstably and stalked towards Rick.

"Me?" Castle reiterated as he leaned away, trying to get a good read off of the visibly upset man.

"Yes, you. What the hell, Castle?" Espo wasn't two feet away from him now, and he leaned in to the taller man's frame menacingly, jabbing his finger into Rick's chest for emphasis. "It's all. Your. Fault. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm sorry?" Rick spluttered, glancing at Kate in confusion. She simply shrugged, but her expression spoke more to her concern.

"Sorry's not enough. It's not enough!"

"Javi," Kate barked out, and he stood down out of habit. Frustrated, he threw his hands in the air.

"Four months, man. You were missing four god damn months. And you never told us anything. But you wrote it in a goddam book?!"

Castle visibly paled, his voice rough when he finally gathered himself enough to ask his question. "What?"

"Don't you feed me that b.s. man. "Rising from the Ashes?" Come on."

He blanched, glancing at Kate for support or understanding, only to be met with wide, equally confused eyes. "H-How?" Rick spluttered. "How did you know-"

"Ryan figured it out. Your dedication was a giveaway."

"Ryan read it too?"

"No. Couldn't get through it. He had me read it."

The problem suddenly became crystal clear to Castle, and his heart broke for the man he considered to be one of his best friends. "It's not enough."

Javier dashed the tears from his eyes violently, sniffling even as he put on an affronted attitude. "You're damn right it's not!"

Castle put both of his hands on the man's shoulders. "Espo. Esposito, look at me. Please." The brown eyes finally dragged up to meet his, and Castle gave him a tight-lipped smile. "I'm okay. It's over. It's all okay."

Javier Esposito broke at that.

* * *

><p>Kate had allowed the two men to have some space, making sure to text Kevin so he could inform Gates that Javier was gonna stay home sick. She eavesdropped, of course. Listened as Castle begrudgingly gave his friend all the details of his disappearance, his captivity. Her heart went out to both of them. She knew how hard it was for Rick to talk about it, and yet he put all his own problems aside to help a friend understand, even a portion of it. And Espo obviously had his own issues to come to terms with in regards to Rick's disappearance. She really hadn't thought about it much, but he was really a rock for them all when they were falling apart. He'd brought her coffee, tried to keep the mood light, picked her up off the floor numerous times when she just couldn't gather her own strength. He'd done much the same for Kevin, to a lesser extent.<p>

She definitely needed to thank him for that.

So now, it was his turn to fall apart. Which was fine, he deserved it. And if anybody knew how to pull someone back together, it was Rick Castle.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to get back to this. I had to deal with some idiot that started a fire in our area- it was really super close and we were worried we would have to evacuate for a while. So this got delayed for a bit. (No worries though, the fire's out and we are all safe and sound. Just nobody light a match anywhere in the state of California.) Oh well. Your reviews will keep me going, as always. :)

**Disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>Castle knew his book was getting a lot of attention. He hadn't expected this much to come of it, honestly. It was all the rave in the Ledger, and the New York Book Review, and even Oprah had released it online as her latest book club book. It was overwhelming. The name Alexander Hunt was being tossed around all over the place, haunting him. He started just keeping the television off entirely. On the one hand, he <em>was<em> flattered that it was being so acclaimed- he did have a little of his ego in place still. But on the other hand, the constant reminder just bogged him down. He thought he could write the book, get it out of his system, and feel this release. It would be out there in the world and he'd never have to think about it again.

That was a misguided notion at best.

Largely, though, he'd managed to avoid it as best he could. Which was why he was surprised when he found a copy of it sitting innocuously on the granite counter top of his kitchen island.

His stomach clenched as he flipped open the cover and saw his daughter's neat scrawl in the top left corner.

"Dad?"

Rick jumped and spun around to face his daughter. "Hey. Alexis. Uh, hey. When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. Kate let me in. I just had to run and get some things from my room."

He nodded repeatedly. "Right. Right. Good to have you, pumpkin. Are you staying for dinner?"

She blinked up at him curiously. "Um, Dad? You invited me over for dinner. Just last night. Are you alright?"

He tried to shake himself out of it, but his heart was pounding a mile a minute. He flashed her a quick grin that he knew she knew wasn't real and faked his way through this. "I'm fine, pumpkin."

Alexis eyed him warily, but let him get away with it for now. "Okay then. I'm gonna go find Grams."

Castle nodded at his daughter distractedly. "Yeah, okay. You do that, dinner should be ready in ten."

She shot him another concerned look but said nothing, turning to walk up the stairs.

His eyes burned into the book as he tried to figure out if she'd read any of it yet. It didn't seem like it had been well-read yet, the binding still looked new and completely uncracked. Maybe she hadn't started it yet. Maybe he could just steal it, hide it away from her somehow. She'd probably wonder about it though, then question his motives. She was too perceptive for her own good sometimes. Maybe he could get away with it though, claiming he wanted to read it for himself first and simply misplaced it-

"Castle?"

He sighed. Caught again, this time by his wife, he turned around with a sheepish smile. "Hey, honey. What are you doing down here so soon? Dinner's going to be ready in ten more minutes."

She arched an eyebrow at him and cast a pointed glance at the book in his hands. "Since when did you start flailing that around?"

Castle grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "It's Alexis' book. I'm not sure why she has it or brought it, but it doesn't really look like she's read any of it. Yet."

Kate clicked her tongue at him. "Rick."

"I know, I know. She's not a child anymore, I can't tell her what she can and can't read-"

"But you want to, don't you?" She hooked her fingers through the belt loops on his jeans and stepped into him, fitting perfectly into his large frame while maintaining an inch of space between them- though barely. "You want to tell her exactly that."

"Not necessarily," he protested, but Rick really had no other defense for himself. That's pretty much exactly what he wants to do right now. He didn't even want the boys to read it at first, because of how he thought they would react. But his little girl? There were things in there that she just didn't need to know.

"I trust you'll do the right thing," Kate spoke warmly, running a hand down his chest and planting a chaste peck on his cheek before moving away, leaving a Kate-shaped warmth pressed against his front.

Rick huffed, about to retort, when the buzzer on the oven went off.

"Sounds like duty calls, chef."

* * *

><p>"So, Alexis. How's school going?"<p>

Her eyes lit up. "Great! I'm really loving my psychology class this semester. I know it's not what I'm planning on majoring in, but it's really some fascinating stuff. I was thinking about minoring in it, but apparently I'd have to take this whole other set of classes to qualify, and I'm not sure really if it's worth doing that much extra work. But it's so enjoyable. I really wish I could."

They all nodded and asked questions as dinner went along, keeping it light but genuine.

"Read any good books lately?" Castle finally asked, earning himself a kick from Kate under the table. He winced a bit. Yeah, okay, that wasn't the smoothest transition he could have used. He pointedly ignored his wife's glare and focused entirely on his daughter.

"Yeah, actually. In my modern literature class, we're reading that new book that's been all over lately- _Rising from the Ashes_? I'm sure you've heard of it."

"Of course," he rolled his eyes as he shoveled another forkful of lasagna into his mouth to keep himself from adding any other delightfully awkward words to the conversation.

"Well, we just started. I'm only on chapter two, but so far it's very intriguing. The voice is very familiar, and the narrator being first-person isn't something we get to see a whole lot of nowadays."

"It doesn't bother you?" Castle couldn't help but ask, only to once again find his wife's foot at his shin.

"No, it's refreshing, really. The whole third person omniscient thing can get kind of old-"

"No, I meant the plot."

Alexis' bright blue eyes looked at him quizzically. "What about it?"

"It's just... it's about a kidnapping."

The room got silent. No silverware clattering against the plates, no happy laughter or stories being told. Not even any chewing or really any breathing. Alexis glanced sidelong at her stepmother. "Did you read it, Dad?"

"Uh- well I. Black Pawn published it you know. The guy who wrote it got it published at my publishing house."

"You do know they publish other things there, right Castle? Not just your books?" Kate tried to lighten the mood, but it kind of fell flat.

"Yes, Beckett, I am aware," he rolled his eyes. "I just... I was wondering how Alexis was handling reading it, that's all. Because I know she's had experience... with that subject matter."

Alexis swallowed thickly, looking down at her plate and pushing her food around on it. "Dad, is there something you're not telling me?"

"What? No, no, pumpkin. It's nothing."

"Dad."

"I'm just worried about you. It's not a great policy for an English teacher to be reading a book about kidnapping to a kid that has been kidnapped in the last two years. I mean, how insensitive is that?"

"What are you saying, Dad? You don't want me to read the book? Be the only person in the class that doesn't read it? If anything, I'm the one with the most reason _to_ read it, because I'm the only one who's been through something similar. They're all just reading it and commiserating, but no one can empathize like I can."

She threw down her fork and stormed away from the table, running up to her room out of sheer habit more than anything else. Castle winced at the door slam, followed by another wince at Kate smacking his arm. "Castle!" she hissed. "Why did you have to go and do that? I kept kicking you under the table. Didn't you get the hint?"

He threw his hands up in defense. "What? I'm sorry! I didn't know I'd hit a chord with her."

"Oh, Richard," his mother sighed his name and shook her head, a practiced move he recognized well from his childhood. She brought her wine glass up to her lips- another well recognized movement- and took a sip before speaking. "Honestly, hasn't that girl been through enough already? You have to question her choices in books now too? Why do you have to torture the poor girl so?"

"Because it's my book!" He finally spit the words out, surprising both Kate and Martha- though Martha was considerably more so. Rick gripped his hair into two tight fists and slammed his eyes shut. Pushing away from the table, he stood up rapidly. "I'm sorry. I've got to go talk to Alexis."

As Rick took the stairs two at a time to reach his daughter's side faster, Kate was left to stare at Martha Rogers, who sat gaping across the table with tears in her eyes. They sat in a tense silence before Kate's mother-in-law finally spoke again.

"Katherine? Is my boy going to be all right?"

Kate felt her heart break for the woman, and she reached across to take Martha's hands in her own. She smiled a watery smile up at her. "He's going to be just fine."

* * *

><p>Rick rapped lightly on the door to his daughter's room. "'Lexis? Can I come in?" He heard sniffling on the other side, and with a sigh, he pushed his way in slowly. "Is everything okay?"<p>

"No, it's not, Dad. It's not okay."

His heart broke for his little girl, seeing her hugging her knees and rock herself gently back and forth on her bed. "Pumpkin," he croaked, immediately going to her side. He tried to put his arms around her when she suddenly exploded in a flurry of motion, forcing him to take a step back as she launched herself from the bed.

"It's not fair!" she cried as she paced the floor of her bedroom. "You were gone for four months- FOUR MONTHS, Dad. You have no idea what that was like. I was gone, what, a week? It's not the same."

"Sweetheart-"

"And then you get back, and I _know_ you're struggling, I can see it, but you just keep faking it around me, and I can't take it! I have a right to know how you're feeling, even if you don't want to tell me everything that happened."

Rick felt his heart plummet into his shoes. "I was just trying-"

"To protect me. I know, Dad. But you can't protect me from this. You can't "protect me" from an experience I've already had!"

"I know that, pumpkin. I do. I just... you've already been through so much. I just wanted to spare you some of the details. I didn't want to be the one to cause you any more pain."

She turned hurt, watery blue eyes up to his and stared at him in disbelief. His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I never meant to hurt you."

Before he realized what was happening, his daughter had run into his arms and was gripping him tightly. He planted a kiss on her hair, and hugged her right back. "No more secrets, all right pumpkin?"

She nodded fiercely against his chest. They stood there like that for a while, before Alexis finally found her voice again. "Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"You know how when we were talking earlier... you said I've been through it. I'm the only one here other than you that has."

There was that pain in his chest again. "Yeah, pumpkin. I know."

"I just... If you don't want there to be any more secrets between us, you're going to have to trust me. I can understand, Dad. I _want_ to understand."

"That's sweet of you, Alexis. I just... I have a hard time talking about it."

"I get it. You know I do. Do you know how many people know I was kidnapped, outside the people who knew me when it happened?"

Rick grimaced. "My guess is more than you would like."

She rolled her eyes at him and he finally smiled a bit. "Well, yes. But my point is, I don't go out of my way telling people. I understand why you don't like to talk about it. But I'm your daughter. And I've been there. Think of it like... group therapy if you want."

He scoffed. "Yeah. I've had plenty of therapy, trust me. But thank you. Sometimes I forget you're all grown up now. You sounded just like my therapist there."

Alexis shifted uncomfortably and pulled slightly away from her father to look him in the eyes. "Thanks. But, while we're on the topic, and you know, in the interest of the whole no-secrets thing..."

At the trailed off sentence, Castle felt his pulse quicken. "What is it? What's your secret? Oh my god, please tell me I'm not going to be a grandfather-"

"No! Dad," she whined, and he felt a small measure of relief at her rejection of that topic. "It's just... I've been thinking a lot lately about changing my major. Or maybe double majoring. I'm not sure yet."

Surprise filled his chest and Rick knew it could read on his face. "To psychology?"

"More like psychotherapy," she corrected. "I don't know yet. But I feel terrible about it. I mean, I've just started my third year at Colombia and I don't even know if I want to stick with it or just switch now, or maybe get this degree and then go back and get a second degree-"

"Hey, hey. Pumpkin. You're overthinking this. It's just college, Alexis. You're only twenty-one. You don't need to have your whole life figured out. Do you have any idea what I was doing when I was twenty-one?"

She wrinkled her nose. "I probably don't want to find out. But if I'd guess, I'd say writing your first best seller, meeting mom, having me..."

"Sweetheart, that's the point. There's no right or wrong way to do this. Now, why do you want to switch majors?"

She hesitated, but at seeing the warmth and openness in her father's eyes, she spilled all. "I want to be a therapist, I think I've decided. It's just, seeing everything that our family's been through- you, me, Kate- it's really opened my eyes. And I love you Dad, and I know you've always tried to shelter me as much as you could, but let's face it, we've been to hell and back."

He certainly couldn't disagree with that logic.

"I know we've all been to therapy or counseling of one form or another. And I know Dr. Burke has been incredibly helpful to both you and Kate. I just want to be able to do that for others, too. Plus, having been through so much, I think I have an inside track on how it all works."

A wave of pride washed over Castle at his daughter's words. He smiled at her before he pulled her back in for another tight hug. "You are the most incredible person, you know that?"

She smiled against his chest, and her voice came out slightly muffled. "So does that mean you're okay with it?"

"Okay? Pumpkin, you can do whatever you like. You know we'll always be here for you."

She laughed and hugged him back. "Thanks Dad. I love you."

"You're welcome." He suddenly grew serious again though, and pulled away from her to sit on her bed.

"Dad?" she sat beside him with a quizzical look on her face. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "You gave me honesty and I promised I'd return it. So I have to be honest with you, too." He looked her in the eye and spoke slowly. "There's a second reason why I didn't want you to read that book. _Rising from the Ashes?_ It's not just something Gina published."

Understanding lit up her eyes and Alexis looked a bit crestfallen. "You wrote it."

Rick nodded as he swallowed back his emotions. "Yeah."

She gave him a taut smile. "You know, I thought there was something familiar about the speaker's voice. Now I know why." He scoffed at that. "Dad. It's okay. If you really don't want me to read the book, I won't. Just say the words. But... if you wouldn't mind, I'd still like to read it. It might be easier than you talking directly about it to me."

Castle weighed his options. The irrational father part of him wanted to demand she return the book, keep her untainted by this one thing. But he knew that reasoning was just that- irrational. It was the reading material for the class, even if she didn't read it herself, she'd still hear all about it. And besides, she said she wanted to know more, be closer... "How about this: I'm not gonna stop you from reading it. But if you at any point feel uncomfortable and you don't want to continue, you don't. And if there's something you want to talk about with me, we can go out to coffee or something and discuss it, okay?"

She hugged him gently. "Thank you Dad. I'd like that. I think it would help me understand a lot."

He wrapped an arm around her. "No, thank _you, _pumpkin. Just remember- it's still got some fiction in it."

* * *

><p>When Alexis finally left for the night, taking her book with her, Castle was left standing in the kitchen doing clean up with his mother while Kate was off getting ready for bed. "Mother?" his voice was hesitant and suddenly felt too loud for the space.<p>

"Yes, darling?" she barely paused in her drying of the dishes, unusually focused on the task at hand.

"Could you promise me something?"

That made her turn around and face her son with a frown. "What is it, darling?"

"Could... could you promise me that you'll never read that book?"

Martha felt her heart break for her little boy- so grown up and sometimes so immature, yet looking as serious and young and tenderhearted as he had that one day thirty years ago after he got lost in the woods. She glided over to him and cradled his face in her palms, tears welling up in her blue eyes as well as his own. "I promise you, Richard, I will never do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable in any way. So yes, I promise I will not read that book."

He gave her a watery smile and enveloped her in his arms. "I love you, Mom."

She sniffed against his chest, taking it all in and blinking the tears away. "I love you too, Ricky."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** More for you! Sorry its taken a while. I was debating between a few different options for this next chapter, but ultimately I couldn't get to a place where any of them panned out. So, I decided to just move forward and see if any other inspiration strikes. I'm probably nearing the end of this thing in the next few chapters or so, so please let me know of any inclusions you'd like me to add!

**Disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"Rick-"

"Paula, stop right there. I said no."

"Richard. It's an honor. We have to at least respond."

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced out at his empty loft and felt a wave of panic crash over him. He couldn't deal with this right now, alone. He needed Kate to help make this decision, even if she was just at his side, he needed that reassurance. He needed to smell her perfume, the cherry scent that was her shampoo, be close enough to her kissable lips that it could keep him distracted. He had to go to the precinct. Rick pulled open a drawer and grabbed his wallet and keys. "Paula, I'm hanging up on you."

"Richard Castle, you wouldn't dare-"

He did. He hung up on his PR agent. There was a seventy-five percent chance that she would kill him later, but if he lived his life as if his actions would make people want to kill him... Well, he'd probably have a longer life expectancy. And it would save him from a lot of scrapes he'd gotten into over the years. But that wasn't his style. Castle pocketed the phone and quickly made his way out of the loft. Maybe a nice murder would be just the thing to clear his mind.

* * *

><p>The ding of the elevator grabbed Kate's attention as it usually did, and she was pleasantly surprised to find her husband stepping off it, carrying two coffees. She smiled as he approached and, noting the stormy look in his eyes, brightened her smile by several notches in an effort to cheer him up. "Hi."<p>

He gave her a small smile in return. "Hi. Coffee?"

She gratefully accepted as he sank into his chair. The first sip, as usual, was heavenly. His eyes sparkled with a little bit more happiness at the light in her face.

"So. Any bodies today?" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, and Kate had to roll her eyes at his inappropriate eagerness.

"Nope. Not yet. I'm surprised you came in on a paperwork day. It's your favorite thing to avoid."

He grimaced. "Actually, it's probably only my second favorite thing to avoid. Today I'm working on number one on the list- Black Pawn Publishing."

She grinned at him. "Ah, yes. You have perfected your procrastination skills down to an art form. And what aspect of your writing career, pray tell, are we procrastinating on today?"

"Getting back to my publicist."

Kate clicked her tongue. "For shame, Rick. Why do you have to put her through that? Besides, I thought Paula was the good one."

Rick shook his head. "She is, but... I don't want to talk about it right now."

Kate sighed and turned back to her paperwork. She knew he was ridiculously good at procrastination, and sure enough, before she'd finished another page, he had already pulled up the latest version of Candy Crush and was distracting himself quite easily. She hoped their kids were that easily entertained.

She shook herself. Where had that thought come from? Although she could picture a little boy with floppy brown hair and blue eyes full of mischief scampering around the loft eventually, it was too early- much too early- to be thinking those thoughts. They'd only been married for a couple of months now. They were just now finally settling down enough after everything that had happened, let alone getting used to the married life. No, kids would be farther down the road.

Though hopefully not too much farther.

Kate refocused, and before she knew it, a couple of hours had passed and it was nearing lunch. Castle was being uncharacteristically quiet. Which was good for the work environment, but not so good for Beckett's concern for him. Something was obviously bothering him for the man to be so determined to stay focused on whatever game was now holding his attention. She was about to ask him if he wanted to go to lunch and talk about things when a woman's shrill voice rang out across the bullpen.

_"Richard Edgar Castle!"_

The look of absolute terror on his face would have been comical if Kate weren't so shocked herself. He rocketed out of his chair at top speeds and turned with wide doe-eyes to face his publicist. "Paula! Uh, hi. I wasn't- How did you find- Wha-what brings you here?"

She stood toe to toe with him and pointed a finger in his face, and in spite of her small stature, she clearly intimidated the mystery writer.

"What the hell, Richard? You hung up on _me_? You do NOT hang up on me."

"P-Paula," he tried, leaning away from the woman, strategically keeping his chair between himself and his agent.

"And you're, what, sitting here playing games on your phone? Why didn't you pick up any of my other fifty phone calls?"

His shoulders slumped. "I had it on airplane mode."

She smacked his arm repeatedly. "You don't ignore your agent, Rick. How many times do I have to explain this to you?!"

Kate finally decided to intervene when it became clear the woman had no intention of ending the assault on her husband. He surely deserved it, but she wouldn't let him get pushed around too much. "Paula, what's going on? Is everything all right?"

"No, everything is not all right, Detective. Your lunkhead of a husband here is running from his responsibilities here, and I can't afford to let him do that."

"But Paula," he whined, ducking from another swat aimed his way. "Murders..."

"You're gonna have another murder on your hands by the time I'm through with you."

Castle's eyes darted all around the room, growing embarrassed by the commotion he was causing. "I just... I wanted to think for a minute, without all the pressure."

"Pulitzer, Rick. What does the word Pulitzer mean to you?"

That got Kate's attention. Her eyebrows shot up and she turned to face her husband. "Pulitzer? Rick, what's this all about?"

"Excuse me, Detective?" Gates' voice called out clear and loud from her office. "Can you take whatever's going on here into the break room? Your husband is once again becoming quite a distraction."

Castle gaped at the insult, but Kate only nodded and ushered the two fighting coworkers into the break room promptly. She closed the door behind her, though she knew it was likely a pointless effort- this was probably going to continue to be a screaming match. "Okay, so somebody explain to me what's going on here?"

Rick's mouth opened, but Paula was the first to speak. "Alexander Hunt's best selling novel has been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize in fiction. We received notification in the mail this morning at Black Pawn, asking for us to put them in touch with Mr. Hunt for the process. That's when I called Rick here and told him, and he just said no and hung up on me."

"How did you find me?" he complained loudly.

"Kate has a tracking app on your phone, I just accessed it. Not that it wouldn't have been easy to figure out."

He turned on his wife with a betrayed look on his face. Kate couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped. "Babe, it's not like I delivered you up to the devil. Besides, I put a tracking app on everyone's phones after everything we've been through. Black Pawn asked for the codes a long time ago."

He grumbled and crossed his arms petulantly, only causing Kate to laugh more. She turned to Paula once again. "I'm sorry you had to come all the way down here, Paula. Can he just have a little time to think about this though? I promise, I won't let him delay the decision any longer than he has to."

She huffed in irritation, drumming her acrylic nails on the counter anxiously. "Fine. Just keep in mind what this is. The Pulitzer Prize, Richard. You've always talked about this. Besides, we always said that you'd use the pseudonym just in case the book flopped. It's clearly a success now- you wouldn't have to worry about hiding it from anyone else. I just think you need to keep in mind the big picture."

Castle clearly was being too stubborn to respond, so Kate turned to the other woman with a smile. "Thank you, Paula. He'll call you as soon as he can."

Paula nodded, trusting Kate of all people to get through to him and make Castle keep her word. She clutched her purse, stalking out of the precinct at the same brisk clip she'd stormed in at.

Kate sighed and turned back to face her husband. She ran a hand along his cheek, and briefly his eyes fluttered up to meet hers. "Hey, Rick. You okay?"

He nodded on a sigh. "I'm fine, Kate. It's just daunting."

She nodded in turn, rubbing a hand gently over his shoulder. "I know, babe. But it's also quite an honor. It's a goal you've looked forward to your entire adult life, and you're finally in a position to get it."

He hesitated before responding again. "Everyone would _know_, Kate. Everyone. Not just our family and close friends. It's my story. And as much as I try to pass it off as fiction to everybody..."

Sympathy flashed through her green eyes in that moment. "It's still your story."

"There's so much safety behind a pen name."

His statement, simple though it was, laid bare another layer of fear. One seated much deeper in his core. "Hey," she spoke gently. "They're all gone now, you know that, right? No one's coming for you."

Rick's eyes shut fiercely against the memories those words prompted. "I know that, logically. I know that no one will come for me just because they realized I'm the real writer. But everyone will hear my name connected to the story and _know_ that there's some element of truth to it."

"That may be," she agreed, wrapping her arms around his neck in a gesture of comfort. "But, like Paula said, this was always about protecting your image just in case, giving you another creative outlet. It wasn't intended for you to create yet another persona that you have to juggle."

"I know."

They stood together like that in silence for a few moments, swaying together with his arms slung low around her waist. "I'd just hate for you to miss out on this opportunity because of something as mundane as your own fears," she breathed out against his neck.

He nodded against her, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "I know. I don't want it to stop me either. It's just-"

"Daunting. I know."

Rick smiled then, eyes crinkling with amusement. She pecked her husband on the lips, which he conveniently tried to deepen into something more than a reassuring smooch. A throat clearing at the break room door was the only thing that separated them. They pulled slightly apart to find Ryan leaning in with a smile on his face. "Sorry to interrupt you guys... But we just got a body."

Rick managed to plant one last kiss on her lips before she disentangled herself from him, and they had the pleasure of seeing Kevin's nose wrinkle in slight distaste at the sight. "Thanks, Ryan."

* * *

><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Same time frame as the last chapter. Castle found out yesterday about the Pulitzer, this takes place the next morning. A little bit short and sweet this go around. Hope you enjoy, and as always, read and review. :)

**Disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>Rick slowly found himself blinking awake in the slit of morning sunlight leaking through their curtains, warm and happy and deliciously nude. He smiled, stretching like a cat in their bed, taking his time. His head lolled over to the right to find his wife's still sleeping body, her glorious skin rising and falling with every steady breath she took. He took comfort from her breathing, simply content to just watch her as she rested there. He always loved watching her, but rarely did he ever get to watch her like this. Most mornings she was up before him, or at the very least on the verge of awakening. But she showed no signs of that happening any time soon, so soundly she slept.<p>

His heart tugged as he continued to stare at her. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. And he got to call her his wife.

He loved her.

Eventually, he found other necessary business that came up, and begrudgingly Castle dragged his eyes away from her and dragged himself out of bed. Bathroom first, he reminded himself, even as his heart remained with his wife. Shivering when his feet hit the cold floor, he quickly padded over to the adjoining restroom, wishing not for the first time that he'd had the foresight to install heated flooring for this exact reason. But time escapes the best of us and Rick was always too distracted to focus long enough to fix it. Not that it was too much of a bother. But to his sleep addled, pre-coffee brain, the cold floor of his apartment was a large obstacle.

Rick sighed, business taken care of, and went to wash his hands. _Might as well wake up all the way at this point, get the morning routine over with, _ he convinced himself. He grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed out a generous amount of toothpaste on it, thumbing on the spinning function as he started to brush. He examined his features in the mirror as he did so, turning left and right. He should probably shave. Normally he wouldn't, not on a day when he had nowhere to be and nothing to do besides enjoy spending time with his wife. But then again, his usual morning scruffiness was looking a little more along the edge of rugged today, so he probably should.

He heard his wife gently stirring in the background and cut his toothbrush off twenty seconds short to listen with sharp ears. When he didn't hear anything else, he finally spit out his toothpaste and rinsed. He didn't want to wake her, particularly not after the late night they'd had.

That thought made him grin widely. It had turned into an exceptionally good night, in spite of his original hesitance to accept the Pulitzer nomination. The murder they'd picked up had been open and shut, the killer had confessed almost immediately- claiming it was an accident. All in all, they'd been able to wrap it up (paperwork excluded) by four thirty in the afternoon. Castle had invited the boys and their significant others to drop by the Old Haunt for drinks after their shift ended, to which they'd heartily agreed, and he'd left a bit early to set up for them. Kate had told them to go on ahead, feigning too much paperwork, but had shown up separately a couple of hours later bearing a sheet cake with the words "Congratulations, Rick!" scrawled across it. They'd all toasted to it, played some pool, and talked long into the night. Then he and Kate had retired to the loft, where they had continued to celebrate long into the night.

They were lucky to have the place to themselves this weekend.

Rick reached for his razor, noting how dull the blade was getting. With a satisfied sigh, he pulled open a couple of drawers in the bathroom, searching for the one containing his spare blades.

He froze.

What he found instead had shocked him. He spent what felt like an eternity staring at the box, glancing between it and then over at the unsheathed little white plastic stick.

Heart pounding, stomach fluttering, and now fully awake, Rick slowly reached out and took the test into one hand and the box with the instructions on it in the other.

"I meant to talk to you about that first. Before you found it, anyway."

His wife's voice floated towards him on a breath of laughter, startling him out of his swirling thoughts. He had a deer in the headlights look on his face as he dragged his gaze up towards Kate's figure, generously draped in his/her red tee shirt but nothing else. Rick floundered for words. "I... You... What-"

She laughed and took mercy on him, padding slowly across to him and managing to look both sleepy and adorable at the same time. She pressed a light kiss to his cheek. "Was there a question in there somewhere?"

He blinked at her, finally managing to shove some inelegant words through his mouth. "What's this?"

Kate's eyes shown with mirth. "What's it look like?"

He glanced down at the box, knowing exactly what it was. His heart raced faster. "It looks like a pregnancy test," he spoke slowly.

"Get the man a gold star."

"Why do we have a pregnancy test?" he spoke slowly, not wanting to misinterpret a single syllable.

Kate grinned at him. "Have you even looked at the result yet?"

Rick's eyes dropped to the plastic white stick in his hands- which he unconsciously had been holding upside down so that he couldn't see the result. He took a deep breath and steeled himself, giving a quick reminder to his heart that he'd be happy in either scenario, though deep down he knew what he was pulling for.

He closed his eyes. When he felt Kate's hand on his, he opened them.

He found himself staring at a little plus indicator.

His face split into a wide grin. "Kate? Does this mean what I think it means?"

Her green eyes sparkled at him and she matched his grin. "Yeah. We're having a baby, Castle."

* * *

><p>Roughly a half an hour later, Rick found himself tangled up between the sheets and his wife, stroking her abdomen gently. "What made you decide to take the test?"<p>

She hummed tiredly, tripping her fingers across his broad chest as she spoke. "I'm not exactly sure. I've kind of had babies on the brain for the last couple of weeks. Particularly yesterday. And I'd convinced myself that I was just being crazy and that I wanted to get used to married life first and all that nonsense. But then, I went to the bathroom after Paula left the precinct yesterday and I realized I was almost two weeks late."

"Why didn't you say anything then?" His blue eyes held no accusation in them, just genuine curiosity and fascination. Kate smiled.

"I didn't want to take away from your moment. You were just told you were gonna win a Pulitzer, Castle."

"Nominated, Beckett. Not won."

She rolled her eyes. "Please. We both know you have more than a strong chance of winning it. And that's not the point."

"I would have wanted to know. This is so much bigger than a Pulitzer, Kate."

His words made her grin and blush, burying her face into his chest. It was endearing, but she knew he was telling the truth- family was more important that anything to Richard Castle. "I know. But besides that, I wanted to be sure before I told you. I didn't want to get your hopes up for nothing."

He looked over his wife with loving adoration pouring out of his entire being. "I love you," he repeated not for the first time this morning.

"I know," she grinned, pecking him on the lips.

They got distracted in each other's kisses for a few minutes before they parted again- Kate for air, Rick for the rest of the story. "So when did you take the test?"

"You didn't think it was odd the way I practically pushed you to go early to the Old Haunt and let me hang back and "do paperwork?" Come on, Castle. Even you should have suspected something on that one."

He chuckled. "I guess that was weird. I just- Wait! Kate! If you're pregnant, what were you drinking last night?!"

"Rick, how stupid do you think I am? I only had some non-alcoholic champagne."

He sighed with relief. He didn't really think she would have done something like that, but a moment of panic struck him at the memory of clinking their glasses together.

"We're going to be parents, Kate."

She grinned at him, splitting her face wide with a mixture of glee and amazement. "We're going to have a child, Rick."

They spent a solid chunk of time staring into each other's eyes, Rick's hand splayed across her abdomen lovingly. Time passed by, and they shared kisses, but the intimacy between them in so simple and act was astounding. It was like a whole new world had opened up for them.

Minutes, or what could have been hours later, Castle finally broke their tender silence.

"I think I'm going to take Paula up on her offer."

Kate's eyebrows rose. "The Pulitzer?"

He nodded, chin brushing the top of her head lovingly. "Yeah. The Pulitzer. It's an incredible opportunity, very prestigious. It's been something I've worked towards my entire life."

It was his wife's turn to nod against his chest. "I agree. You deserve it. But what changed your mind?"

"Well, I was probably going to take it all along."

"Mhmm."

He shot her a glare but there was no heat to it, which only prompted Kate's laughter. He sighed before continuing. "It's nothing big. It's just... We're having a baby now, Kate. I don't want to live in fear anymore."

She turned saddened, understanding eyes up at him. "Were you living in fear before?"

Rick hesitated. "Maybe. I guess it was a large part of it. Anonymity has been good for me to some extents. It's protected my career reputation, it's protected my family. It's protected me from anyone who might still be lingering in the shadows... And yes, I know logically that's not the case but I can't get it out of my head, you know? I know all my kidnappers were caught or killed or whatever, it's just..."

"Scary," his wife supplied.

He looked to her with a faded pain in his eyes. "Yeah. But that's exactly why I should accept this nomination. This anonymity was giving me protection, but now it's been several months and it's only giving me a place to hide."

"And what does this have to do with us starting a family together?"

His eyes shudder, and Rick looks away from his wife, picking at imaginary lint on the sheets. "I don't want to be afraid any more. I want to put this out there and put it behind me. This baby deserves a father who is going to be there for him a hundred percent. Not some shell of a man."

"Hey," Kate chided, gripping her husband's chin firmly and making him look her in the eyes. He looked pained, broken, but already less so than he'd been even a few weeks ago. "You are not a shell of a man. You are still the perfect, frustrating, entertaining, and loving man that I fell in love with all those years ago. You've been hurt, you've got scars- we all have- but you're still the same man. I don't like hearing you say you're anything less than what I know you to be. Okay?"

Rick's eyes filled with tears, and he nodded, turning to kiss her palm. "Okay."

"And secondly, "him"? Did you seriously say "him"? I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant and you're already taking guesses as to the gender?"

He laughed, and all suddenly felt right in the world again as they joked and bantered about whether it was going to be a boy or a girl.


End file.
